Weblog Tampering

For some time, I've been claiming that my weblog is occasionally tampered with. Please see, 'Funny how things change' (Aug. 13, 2004), for one example. [1]

(Note: The original text on the Nefarious DM site was truly disturbing. The way it discussed finding a dead body, and analyzed possible causes of death in morbid detail, seemed literally psychotic. It was the most chilling piece of fiction I'd ever read. A few days after I had posted about it, the tone suddenly turned cheerful and friendly, and the once-perfect writing contained numerous, glaring typos.)

Way back then, nobody believed I was being harassed at all, much less that anyone would bother accessing my weblog account, unauthorized. Most of the incidents are so petty and minor that mentioning them only undermines my own credibility.

Still, I've been noticing lately that many short words are being omitted from my posts, here and there. While I do often make typos, or accidentally forget or delete words, I'm pretty certain I did not make some of the mistakes I'm finding. Please see one funny typo in yesterday's post, 'Race and identity: A question of loyalties' (April 16, 2005; near end), to get an idea. Also, kindly read the comments in another post from that same day, 'Food, the personal and the political.'


Corporate Collusion?

More disturbingly, two of my controversial posts, which touch more directly upon insidious agendas of a rather nasty nature, both seem to have special referring addresses. These are obviously created by Blogger.com. See below:

a) 'Blowing a Tsunami' (Jan. 15, 2005) - http://oneadventure.blogspot.com/2005/01/blowing-tsunami_110583790453320854.html

b) 'Funny how things change' (Aug. 13, 2004) - http://oneadventure.blogspot.com/2004/08/funny-how-things-change_109428668656685719.html


All of my other blogposts look like this, with no special numbers: http://oneadventure.blogspot.com/2005/04/food-personal-and-political.htm


MORE DETAILS TO COME...I'm having problems even while writing this post, starting with the section on 'Corporate Collusion.'

[1] I feel compelled to warn you that I no longer believe the MisterPrivacy.com anonymizing site is in any way private - especially from Big Brother.

Food, the personal and the political

(Note: I wrote most of this on April 13.)

My Good Food Box from FoodShare came today [April 13]. Prepare yourself for some mindless rambling on the politics of food, health, and my well-being...

Today, there were two new delivery guys. I had long suspected the previous Field to Table driver of being a government mole. But he quit recently, rather unexpectedly. [1] I'll be discussing this in more detail, later.

So I buzzed the new delivery people in, saying I'd be right down. Yet, quick as a flash, they were outside my apartment, knocking on the door. Weird. It's only happened once before, with the previous driver. Before that, there were several long-time Field to Table delivery people, who had never brought the food boxes upstairs to my apartment. Wonderful as they may be, it's just not a practical thing to do (see below). Note: I've been getting the Good Food Box for several years.

Not only must these two guys have walked quickly, carrying three heavy boxes and a metal handcart, but they had no difficulty figuring out where my apartment is. I live up three flights of stairs, and there are no signs posted in the hallway about the numbering, etc. Even when I give people directions, it usually takes them some time to get oriented. Yet, these fellows found my place, without a moment's hesitation - despite being new to this route, new to my building, and probably new to the job, itself.

It doesn't make sense to bring the boxes to my door. Field to Table's general practice is to leave the boxes at an obvious pick-up point, usually near an entryway. Good Food Boxes are typically delivered to a group or local community - not to a single household. [2]

Surprised by their speedy arrival, I opened the door and faced two men of distinctly different skin tones. One stared right at me, a little arrogantly, while the other avoided my gaze, and seemed very acquiescent. It felt like a test of power relations - much like the visit I had with two Jehovah's Witnesses, the day before.

(The latter pair had come to warn me about the 'critical times' we live in. They tuned-in to my every look, word, and gesture, very closely. I find the title of the religious publication they distribute, WatchTower, fitting. More details about their spiritual chat to come.)

I've suggested many times, both on this blog and in emails, that dualistic, Good Cop vs. Bad Cop approaches are being used by the government to study people's instinctual responses. Crazy as it sounds, I believe my surveillance has helped to influence this growing trend. I'm not proud of this contribution, believe me. But just be warned: intelligence agencies' many strategies for studying people's psychological responses - especially under stress - can be extremely subtle.

After these two men left, I then had to bring one of the boxes back down three flights to a tenant, who lives in the basement. He's one of the neighbours that I keep claiming have been co-opted by the government. Low-income people make good accomplices: people tend to feel sorry for them, and never suspect them of co-operating with the government.

This man is a highly intelligent, somewhat eccentric, aging hippie. He's also an animal-loving, environmentally-responsible throwback to the days when Yorkville was still a grassroots, peacenik hangout. [3]

So what's the symbolism here? Me going down, down, down. And who should I happen to pass on the stairwell going up, up, up to my floor? A Caucasian male, with a shaved head, carrying flowers. Nice touch.

By the way, I've been wanting to discuss the abundance of bald men on TV, immediately after the media's censure of Ward Churchill, followed by the Jeff Gannon incident and various publicity-grabbing by politicians in the U.S. [4]

Am I reading too much into the Good Food Box delivery?

I can often predict these incidents, or how they may play out. It's almost like clockwork - or a sadistic game of cat-and-mouse. I've had SO MANY bizarre incidents and anomalies, involving both this organization and various people I keep claiming are moles. My inept social skills and fractious personality can only explain for so much.

Yet, if all my claims of harassment and possible death-dealing to others are the work of a 'supremacist network,' they certainly seem to have the government's blessing. The persistent, well-timed, and frequent or unusual changes and problems I seem to encounter with my two utilities (Bell Canada, Toronto Hydro), for example, is a story, in itself. (More details to come.)

I have reason to believe corporate agendas are being stepped up around this aspect of human survival. They were anyway (think Monsanto and genetic engineering), but the 'marketing' approach is changing. Conservative strategies may include: secretly co-opting organizations that deal with food production or distribution; refining business and marketing tactics of large companies; extorting sizable companies that are not western-owned into submission - or simply scoring a piece of the action.

Grassroots community food programs, like FoodShare's Field to Table concept, offer much potential for research and strategic networking within Ontario and abroad. It's all about control - yet not necessarily for the benefit of people or environments. It's more like dollars, connections, image, and influence -- $$$.

I've really meandered here, in trying to link food and political agendas to my own surveillance situation. Just wait till I get onto the subject of WATER!


---------

[1] There's been a general turnover among various people, whom I believe are government plants. I understand this is a regular practice of intelligence agencies. It's done for many reasons (eg, reducing suspicions about individual operatives, and the possibility of being traced; broadening training and knowledge base; keeping factions and sub-groups from forming, etc).


[2] I've tried to do outreach on behalf of Field to Table, as I believe in what they do. I'll be posting a flyer I created and distributed in 2002. I believe that period marks the beginning of my surveillers' interactions with my landlords.


[3] Another thing that makes me bitter is how I genuinely tried to help this man, and many other people, within my limited capacity - yet without getting pulled into his seeming desire for hand-outs. He never believed in my surveillance, until he, himself, had been co-opted, like so many others. As with other people, like several homeless folks, whom I've sat down and chatted with, in all types of weather, I told this person how I thought he could help better himself, and find fulfillment. I'm definitely blunt and opinionated. I believe this is yet another way, in which my surveillers found me unusual. Drawing from my pop-psychology, self-help tendencies, and real desire to bring out people's higher good, I believe intelligence agencies are now carrying out similar social experiments on other individuals and groups. I've known this man 4-1/2 years; he's lived in these two adjoining buildings for about 20 years. Yet, within the past year, he's become a completely changed man: clean, groomed, more self-possessed, and so on.

Several of my neighbours think I'm loaded. I believe the government tells them this, in order to gain their co-operation. People always assume I'm at least 'comfortable,' and it's not hard for Big Brother to persuade anyone that I'm either wealthy or crooked. I get extremely agitated and nervous around money and other power issues. People close to me didn't even believe what I was saying, or understand why I was screwed up, so why the heck should anyone else?

Note: I am not physically wanting, in any way. I've also seen the most extreme forms of poverty elsewhere, so I always appreciate what I do have, and I'm well aware of whatever 'privileges' I may hold. But wealthy, I am not.


[4] Please see '"Gannon" stoking conservative flamers?' and posts about Ward Churchill's controversial writings.


Edit: Please click on the 'comments,' below, for more thoughts on Good Food Boxes, moles, harassment, and intimidation. I'll explain more about the 'sweetheart' reference later.

Race and identity: A question of loyalties

The Problem of Race

In the post above, I briefly alluded to neo-Nazi influences. I am neither for or against neo-Nazism - I simply believe in a peaceful and equitable co-existence. I guess that's the problem.

I've found that today's neo-Nazism or supremacist agendas do not necessarily exclude membership or co-operation by people of different races or religions. There are even Jews who embrace this political viewpoint or overall agenda. Things are not always clearcut: everything and everyone serves a purpose. For example, both police/security forces and organized crime help reinforce and protect the interests of the wealthy elite.

Michael Moore's documentary film, Bowling for Columbine, does a great job of connecting the dots between corporations, the business of war and violence, and their tragic impact on America’s youth - yet he also manages to create a story of hope. I've heard Mark Achbar, Jennifer Abbott, and Joel Bakan's The Corporation is also good.

I'd rather avoid discussing all these complex social issues. I wish I could just say, Hey, I'm under illegal, life-threatening surveillance, and horrible things are going on! Yet, the circumstances and profound levels of animosity only make sense, when socio-political ties and world history are brought into the picture.

It's also worth noting that both contemporary alliances and historical allegiances can change: people can agree to disagree, in order to achieve mutually beneficial outcomes.


Intolerance vs. Acceptance

Ironically, as a child, I happened to read several biographies about Adolph Hitler [1]. I learned that, besides being a malevolent, murderous fanatic, Hitler was also an artistic vegetarian, who believed in holistic medicine.

Adolph Hitler was also interested in Indian culture and the many herbal medicines developed there. Inspiration for the swastika, which became a symbol for Hitler's National Socialist German Workers Party (Nazis), comes out of India. [2] But the image had been reversed. Also, the word 'swastika' derives from Sanskrit: svastika means a 'sign of good luck,' and the root word, svasti, means 'well-being.'

Jennifer Rosenberg's 'The History of the Swastika' gives an excellent summary about this important and once-widespread icon.

The cross-fertilization of ideas and cultures has alwaysexisted.* And while death, destruction, and supreme hatred may somehow be necessary in the grand scheme of things, I simply cannot endorse it. That doesn't mean I'm so 'good' or noble, myself, or that I don't have many prejudices. I can relate to elitists' desire for quality, and I recognize the need for both natural and human-constructed hierarchies. [3] Yet, if one is pro-people and environments overall, then flawed socio-political systems do need to be questioned and challenged. I also happen to believe there is a higher good that we are meant to strive for, as human beings.

To me, essentializing religions or prophets in terms of race (eg, the pope, Jesus, etc), as the media has been doing lately, is the complete OPPOSITE of what spirituality is all about.


*[Edit: Notice how 'alwaysexisted' in the second last paragraph is like an anagram for sexist? Please see 'Weblog tampering,' and the 'comments' for 'Food, the personal and the political.' I'm certain I didn't make that typo and several others I noticed today.]


Everyone Wants a Fair Shake

I've mentioned Adolph Hitler a few times now, yet I haven't had a chance to discuss the many complexities I see within anti-Semitism, and how these may relate to the struggles of other persecuted, maligned, and oppressed peoples. This is not an easy subject to explore. As with most things, there are no black-and-white realities.

As an example, here are some instances of my own diverse relationship with people of Semitic heritage:

• Growing up, I had various 'learning moments' about how one can inadvertently absorb anti-Semitic slurs, and I changed my words and thoughts, accordingly;
  
  
• I sensed how hypocritical religions or religious people can be, when I discovered that Jesus was a Jew - it's kind of like appropriation, if you think about it;
  
  
• I've pointed out that Christianity and Catholicism are both sects of Judaism, and that Jesus was Jewish. When I said this, once, my therapist gleefully responded, 'He's da boy!'
  
  
• I have dear friends and respected acquaintances, who happen to be of Jewish/Hebraic backgound;
  
  
• I celebrated Chanukah with Israeli Jews, while living in India.
  
  
• Apparently, there is one Jewish/Hebrew ancestor in my family.
  
  
• Even the dictionary's definition of Semitic peoples is diverse.
  

I believe all of the above is actually how and why the idea - and growing strategy - of 'keeping chinks out of the chain' (ie, gene pool) got its start (eg, one Jewish relation being subsumed into a Chinese family, general population differences between Caucasians and other groups, the colorization of North America through interracial marriages, and so on) - assuming that my melodramatic adventures are being closely observed, and possibly being transferred to the big screen.

So many people I know are interracially married, and so, the push to visually and subconsciously encourage Caucasian coupling is on.

I feel an affinity with people of Jewish/Hebraic ancestry, and I empathize deeply with their past struggles - yet, I also find social tensions or resentments can surface, when people of Jewish /Hebraic heritage may, understandably, try to hide their identity, while actively embracing the very social structures, institutions, economies, and ways of thinking that oppress many other people. [4] (In queer culture, that's kind of like 'passing' for a straight person, while trampling other queers - or worse.)

Many people of Jewish or Hebraic background may also be quite successful in the world, and can exert social control and influence, yet still want recognition and compassion for their suffering, both past and present, while possibly being unaware of others' oppression, or somehow seeing it as justified. This can feel like betrayal.

Not being very physically identifiable - especially with name changes, interracial mixing, modern surgery, etc - Jewish/Hebrew people aren't likely to be discriminated against. There is also no likelihood of an anti-Semitic backlash, or another Holocaust, since people of Jewish or Hebraic background are highly popular and have been outstandingly successful in virtually every field - be it science or art, entertainment or technology, and everything in between. A great many of our cultural icons and heroes are of Jewish/Hebraic ancestry.

I'm explaining all this because my surveillers often play me off as a crank. It's pretty f**king amazing, considering I believe in, and am fighting for, freedom for ALL, while striving for an ecologically-balanced and environmentally-responsible world.

Yes, I am sometimes guilty of intolerance, especially when I'm under stress. At least, I can admit it. I don't strive to be bigoted, nor do I actively undermine the dignity of other groups, or advocate hatred, or kill people. Yet, on top of the prejudices I frequently face, and my own disempowered situation (socially, economically), I must also cope with the alarming malevolence of those who want to shut me down, while seeking to control other people, society, natural resources, and the world.

All I can say is, watch out for covert biological and chemical strategies. Picking people off is just too darn easy.

I believe everyone is prejudiced in some way. Let's be honest about this fact. Enduring major oppression, or even attempted genocides, of which there have been many on this planet, does not absolve any person or group of racism.** Also, after any mass injustice, a desire for revenge is common. This should not be ruled out of our conceptions about global politics and socio-economic agendas.

**Note: This is yet another of my views, which intelligence agencies and right-wing fundamentalists found compelling. I believe Big Brother may be actively stirring up old enmities among different groups and countries. It's all about DIVIDE AND CONQUER, after all.


--------

[1] More about Adolph Hitler:

- 'Adolph Hitler: A Study in Tyranny' - Holocaust Teacher Resource Center

- 'The Rise of Adolph Hitler' - The History Place

- 'The psychology and development of Adolph Hitler Schicklgruber' by Abelard is fascinating.


[2] 'Socialist origins of Neo-Nazism' by Llewellyn H. Rockwell, Jr. is an informative article, yet I disagree with this take on modern-day neo-Nazism. I believe neo-Nazis are by far a tool (or even the main engine) of the 'right,' and that their proponents generally do not support socialist values.


[3] Hitler's heavy reliance upon the concept of a supreme breed of people - that is, the Aryan race - can be found in both Hindu religious texts and Persian culture.


[4] Feelings of betrayal, or anger at perceived hypocrisy, often arise and can cause ill will within all types of relationships. I'm just offering an example of how social resentments can surface.


Note: I mentioned Vancouver in a recent post, as I believe there's a migration of moles, from various fields, who are heading there. Two people I know also recently visited the popular city, which I find interesting. I've been reluctant to name Vancouver as both a security and 'social experiment' hotspot, due to its high Asian population, and the frequent assumptions people make about me. The few people I know, who live in B.C., or who are from there, are long-time Canadians of various backgrounds. This brings to mind a person I once knew, who was a third-generation Canadian of Japanese ancestry. This humorous, gentle, and kind man was born in B.C., during the 1930s. His first and only language was English, and he had never been outside of Canada, until he got deported to Japan, during the Second World War; he was about 11 years old, at the time. As a sensitive teenager, learning of this man's seldom spoken of experience made me realize the tenuousness of my own status, as a Canadian. Anyway, the reason I mentioned Vancouver so haphazardly is because I often feel saddled with certain stereotypes and stigmas. Yet, Vancouver is obviously a key place, in terms of the political developments I'm talking about.

Why Am I in this Pickle?

La Dolce Vita

I feel like I've been screaming my lungs out for a very long time. Serious developments are underway, which are affecting countless people, plus the future of Toronto, Canada, and the world at large. (Yes, it's really that big.) Yet, my being continually disbelieved, dismissed, and ridiculed by so many - including the very people and organizations that I care about - is enough to turn one into a twisted, wretched, and hateful person. Hey, at least I can admit it.

Undergoing major depression, and feeling betrayed and constantly invalidated - especially as a mental health patient - are all minor experiences compared to my surveillance. I've been harassed and indirectly threatened, both in and outside my home, for nearly four years. [1] What I describe on here is but a mere fraction of what actually goes on.

People with jobs, emotional support, a comfortable lifestyle, and so on, sit in judgement upon me, while those who have betrayed me most offer not even a hint of apology. I've become a wreck, socially - I have ZERO PRIVACY - and I can also well appreciate how military and mafia types feel, being on guard constantly. This stuff doesn't only happen in the movies, people. I lived like a fugitive on the lam for almost three whole years, day in and day out (see below).

Equally distressing is how the entrenched corruption that already existed in this city has proliferated into a generalized 'everybody's in on it' network. Now Magazine's portentous article heading says it all:

THE END OF ACCOUNTABILITY: New finger-pointing technologies treat adults like children (Feb. 24 - Mar. 2, 2005)

Note: I find the title relevant, not the article, itself. [2]


Why Am I in This Pickle?

I'll eventually post a summary about how I got into this desperate situation. But for now, let me just deal with the basic question: 'Why me?' So many people have said to me: 'Do you really think you're that special?' 'Why would CSIS waste their time on you?'

Well, I have to admit, there were some chance happenings that took things to a higher level (eg, the FBI, my neighbour's connections, etc). NOBODY ever believes my claims about being under surveillance. So I can't control what people say in my presence, or who they associate with - MUCH AS I TRY TO WARN PEOPLE THAT *EVERYTHING* IS BEING RECORDED AND CLOSELY STUDIED.

Still, I have to take responsibility for myself. Here's how I see things:

I believe my outspoken views, pent-up anger, reactiveness, and isolation from others - combined with my wacky ideas, unorthodox approaches, and strong desire for social upliftment - made me an easy target for bullying and abuse by authorities. And, the more stuff they did to me, the more I tried to escape their relentless scrutiny and intimidation - not because I had done anything wrong, but simply because I cherish my freedom dearly. I was also in a hyper state of fight-or-flight; this intensified level of stress probably began in 1997. [3]

I believe my unusual responses and creative forms of resistance have actually helped Big Brother improve their surveillance techniques. While that may sound self-aggrandizing, I have reasons for believing this is true. Their enhanced skills in intuiting people's subconscious thoughts and behaviours, and thereby, controlling social interactions on a wide scale, are truly frightening. [4]


This Ain't No Fairy Tale

Here's a short list of how my presumed persecution by authorities has affected my behaviours, and has helped to create a New Me, ever since 2001:

• I often avoid speaking about certain topics aloud;


• I try not to make plans in advance, in order to minimize government interference and the possibility of being set-up. (It's gotten to the point where even seeing a movie with my mother can be meddled with. It's shockingly easy.)


• I've written umpteen frenzied notes to people, and still do;


• I always try to shield my writing from hidden cameras, and I burn most of my letters after;


• I began to use payphones in 2001, almost exclusively, and I asked most people never to call me - I did this for three years;


• I believe all of my mail is being tracked, and some of it has been opened; plus, anyone I may write to will be closely watched (examples to come);


• I stopped playing certain types of protest music, and music with any strong cultural bias (eg, native Indian, African, etc);


• I've avoided contacting many people - especially old friends, or people from marginalized groups - to avoid subjecting them to more government spying and indirect forms of harassment. [5]

Being watched and stalked on a constant basis ain't no picnic. But I now have a better grasp of what's going on, who's doing it and why, and how it all works. I was so naive about intelligence agencies before.

Thankfully, I've learned so much from my favourite radio station, and the wonderful people who work and volunteer there. This awesome, rockin' station has been a much-needed balm for my sanity. Yet, I also worry about them, as I believe they've become a key focus for Big Brother. The station has seen many changes since 2003, and some subtle shifts have happened, or are currently underway. [6][7]


-------------

[1] My surveillance began before the September 11 attacks in New York transformed security measures in North America. In fact, the day after that unbelievable tragedy, I received a wrong number phone message in Arabic. The telephone number was (416) 000-0000 - kind of like 'Ground Zero.' A Bell Canada representative confirmed that such a number could only be set from within Bell.

[2] Anyone that analyzes media, or has studied advertising, is bound to have noticed how visually bold and unusually flamboyant frontcover pages and lead stories have become across all of Toronto's major newspapers. This sudden and measurable break with tradition began within the past two years.

The phrase 'the tipping point' also seems to be popping up in popular media. Please check out this book by the same name: The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell. This intriguing bestseller identifies how social trends develop, and the ways in which innovation can spread.


[3] My first of many therapists diagnosed me as having post-traumatic stress. Yet, I now believe it's 'complex post-traumatic stress' - or Borderline Personality Disorder. That's why school, family, and just about everything was too much for me. Believe it or not, I used to be a nice, well-liked, and, dare I say, guileless person. These past many years have been like an intensive bootcamp for social politics, and my waking up to how things actually work.


[4] I'll be posting links and book titles that exemplify my interest in astrology, psychology, self-help, spirituality, and so on. I believe the government was surprised at my ability to guess people's astrology signs and their personality types, as well as my tuning-in closely to people's adverse social responses (more details to come).


[5] All the people from my past, and those whom I currently interact with - even briefly - have been, or are being, closely watched and studied.


[6] While I often praise this particular radio station, I also believe they are undergoing critical transformation, as a result of government surveillance. Small, non-profit, community radio stations are vulnerable and can easily be monitored, infiltrated, and co-opted through various means, such as: finances, equipment and technical aspects, staff or volunteers, physical location, and so on. The benefits to Big Brother are many, for example:

1. Wealth of information (eg, archives);
   
   
2. Financial control by putting the right funders in place, and even setting up businesses to cater to students, progressives, and so on;
   
   
3. In-depth psychological profiling of activists and alternative types;
   
   
4. Studying social networks and outreach impacts;
   
   
5. Tracing incoming calls from various listeners and studying their social milieus; and alternatively, having people pose as switched-on liberals and funky hipsters.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Operatives look and act the part, establish trust, and weave themselves thoroughly into grassroots communities. I already *sensed* all this was happening, but there have been some notable developments going on, more recently. Several key events also happened in 2003. However, I'll leave it to others to piece these seemingly disparate incidents together.

Just remember: it's all about taking power out of the hands of the common people. Who are the key connectors? What or where are the pressure points?


[7] Here's another example of my futile efforts. After I began to openly praise free rag eye magazine for their journalism, about a year-and-a-half ago, it stopped being delivered to my local area. One newstand was removed from a major street, and another one, which is in a high traffic area, remains perpetually empty. I called eye and was referred to their distributor about this matter. I think I even wrote a letter, and sent an email. Yet, nothing has been done. This makes me wonder whether it is mere happenstance, or deliberate oversight. Then, Now Magazine added a second box, so they have two newsstands, alongside Xtra and various other free and paid news publications. Yet, eye's box just sits and gathers dust. As a result, I read eye about once every three or four weeks now.

This kind of seemingly minor tweaking, and other creative marketing strategies and/or passive sabotaging, mirror the kinds of things that I believe are happening on a much larger, well-organized scale.

Working together for real change

Freedom For All

This note is partly addressed to someone, for whom I have the utmost respect and admiration:

You are a role model to me. Your many efforts are super-solid - regardless of whether they may be tampered with by Big Brother. I, too, wish to celebrate people's unique identities and our collective energies, and thereby, make positive change possible. I also believe setting ethical standards and implementing proper check systems - while putting power back in the hands of the people - may help create a more healthy, empowered, and free society. I hope that we may remain allies in this common struggle.

The unfortunate reality is, oppressed people everywhere carry a great deal of pain and anger. This is not a simple problem: communal healing is necessary. Whenever oppression exists - and particularly, if people are seeking to shift social and environmental paradigms - anger, hostility, and resentments will inevitably surface. Recognizing that the game is skewed in another's favour creates tensions and an ugly backlash - even if one *thought* one was being an ally. This can really hurt.

Yet, oppression is like an out-of-control garden hose: everyone around it is bound to get splashed with cold water. In 'Healing Circles: Transforming Grief into Growth for Children and Teens,' they suggest that it's 'healthy to express...[angry feelings] in a non-destructive way.' That's why healing circles make sense to me: they offer a more holistic and supportive framework for addressing one's anger and facilitating deep personal changes, while enabling mutual co-operation and community action (see following post).

My own oppression issues are complicated. I won't bother getting into them (for once). Yet, I do realize my repressed anger often jabs those, whom I actually want to be friends with or connect with. In my desperate need to get my points across, and to finally be believed (&*@!#%^*!), I can be reactive, passive-aggressive, and insensitive towards others. I'm trying to improve in these areas.

The upshot here is: I don't wish to antagonize (most) people, especially those who I am in solidarity with (although there are some who have betrayed me deeply, but they know who they are). To those who may somehow feel shafted by either my distemper, my urgent need to prove things, or my bitterness about being endlessly scoffed at, while fervently trying to warn people, I do hope we can heal our differences.

Healing circles, right on

More links on one of my favourite topics: healing circles. If properly facilitated and treated with respect, circles have amazing potential to transform society and solve many of its ills. Below, are some guidelines for starting a circle with friends, colleagues, family, or people in your community:

1. Basic Guidelines for Calling a Circle by PeerSpirit.com



2. Getting Started: Calling the Circle by Wisdom Circles

TYPES OF HEALING CIRCLES

Note: Some links have been posted before.

Personal

- http://www.healing-circles.org/Articles.htm (It says it's for children, but anyone's inner child could probably benefit from the advice given here.)


Social/Community

- http://www.nativechild.org/mo.htm

- http://www.kporterfield.com/healing/Sisters.html

- http://studycircles.org

- http://peerspirits.com

- http://www.wisdomcircle.org


Judicial

- http://www.tinyurl.com/5vwxr

(There can be downsides to sentencing circles, as this article, 'Healing Circles Protested,' indicates: http://sisis.nativeweb.org/resschool/jul2198cri.html.)


Environmental

- http://www.earthwins.com/healing_circles/home.html

- http://www.spiritearth.net/healingcircles (under construction)


Cultural

- http://www.iisd.org/7thgen/healing_circle.htm


Spiritual

- http://www.crystalinks.com/healingcircle.html

Phone franticness

Okay, being organized isn't my strong point. Posting 'multimedia content' on this weblog will take some time, partly because I haven't figured out how to upload different sound and picture files. Also, keeping up with my constantly overflowing voicemail box is a full-time job in itself.

Plus, my phone line is dead right now, so I don't have internet access. Strangely, the line cut out Friday night, while I was having an unusual and interesting conversation with a friend. Bell Canada is coming Tuesday to do repairs.

[Edit: The above may sound unintentionally suggestive. Actually, I was having notable problems with phone/internet/weblog connections over a two-day period, and I went to various lengths to access my weblog. I even asked some small stores if I could briefly try their internet. I finally ended up at George Brown College and was able to get through - funnily enough. On this same day, I was to meet up with this friend, but it didn't happen, due to an unexpected 'emergency with the water mains' at this particular building. When we spoke by phone later on, this friend described someone they ended up meeting that day, 'who's just as paranoid as you' (ie, me). Everything described about this person was strikingly similar to my own situation of feeling under high threat and overwhelmingly oppressed, while wanting to challenge the system. The Ministry of the Attorney General was referred to several times. In my own case, I suspect government surveillance and corruption would be exposed on a large scale. This friend does *not* believe I'm being surveilled. As I feared, they took the sudden phone disconnection as a deliberate slight, on my part. I'll post a transcription of their subsequent phone message to me, shortly.]

The timing of my phone service suddenly failing is a bit weird, considering I had just called Bell on Thursday, April 7, to request a wiretap check on my line. I had also contacted them the day before that, on Wednesday, April 6, to clear up several incidents of overbilling on my account. Uh, perhaps my discussions about digital monopolies and privacy concerns have ticked somebody off...?

What's equally strange is that my mother's phone line also had no dial tone, just two weeks ago. For three days, leading up to her birthday, she was unable to make phone calls, and likewise, nobody could call in. There are other anomalies around this whole event, which I may try to explain later.

Getting back to my own phone and internet challenges, last Wednesday to Friday were all very eventful days. For example, I had much difficulty accessing my weblog account, and I even went out of my way to try posting from different places. Wonder if anyone else was having this same problem? It seemed, to me, as if the site was selectively down, and that all attempts to post to my weblog were being purposely blocked. (But then, according to all my past therapists, I'm paranoid and delusional, so these odd perceptions may just be more hooey.)

More details about phone connections and other communications adventures coming soon. As always, thanks for your patience in reading this piecemeal web journal.

Techno-dress for tomorrow's women

I came across this link, by chance. Check it out: SmartMom Sensate Pregnancy Dress (click the different buttons on the dress). It's just one example of how advanced technology is these days.

For me to be under 24-hour surveillance isn't all that impossible or unlikely. Considering that my having any credibility would potentially expose the insidiousness of the government's agendas and actions, it's not all that surprising that security bodies - and apparently major institutions and even corporations - seem to be engaging in an almost unbelievable scale of harassment of both myself and many others.

Harassment can happen in many different and subtle ways. I'll be exploring this topic in more detail, shortly.

More peevish musings from a drama queen

Sorry for the hiatus. Lots of stuff to contend with right now, particularly on a more practical level (ie, meeting obligations, keeping body and soul together, and so on). More on all that to come.

Since my claims about surveillance have far-reaching implications, I hope people can appreciate how hard and risky it is to gather information, and try to present it in an intelligible way - especially when I'm dealing with multiple stresses, and I feel like I'm under constant threat. (While this latter claim may appear minute or even non-existent to others, it certainly doesn't feel that way to me.)

I'm also burned out from continually trying to counter people's preconceived notions about me, and why I'm in this ridiculous situation - even when I'm writing in my own weblog. This can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.

Well, surprise, I'd like to clarify a few more things from my recent blogposts. But I'm honestly getting tired of these neurotic explanations, so please don't expect me to compulsively share so many personal details about myself and my family in future.

Anyway, here goes...

Almost my entire extended family is university educated, right up to my late grandfather's generation. My grandfather was born in 1909; he and all his siblings, both male and female, had completed their post-secondary studies. My mother and her siblings (with the exception of my mentally-handicapped uncle), and all my cousins (with the exception of one, who was just too smart for the drudgery of school) have degrees of some sort (BA, MA, PhD).

Note: I'm not mentioning all this as a 'status thing,' although I am proud of my family's achievements. I'm just trying to give you a sense of how my family and I are located. Personally, I believe intelligence comes in many forms, and I feel school often stifles people's interests, aptitudes, and overall development. My own sense of scholastic incompetency dates back to 1982. As a result, I've become interested in holistic education and self-learning.

With the exception of a once-estranged and now deceased grandfather, none of my family owns and operates their own business, although one relative is part of a joint consultancy as a graphic designer. We are not big into finance or economics.

Ironically, my mother is the only one with financial designations, yet she is truly an example of someone who is book-smart, but not street-wise. [1] Having graduated as an actuary, she found the work didn't suit her all that well. [2] Her strengths in math and studying for exams led her to take various other courses (eg, FLMI). Yet, intellectual know-how does not always equal practical application.

In 'Calling all psychos!,' I almost made it sound like my mother plays the stock market, and thus, got herself into debt; yet, she never has. She has invested in mutual funds, however, and lost money. When I say my mother is struggling financially, this has a lot to do with her trust in other people, her susceptibility to pressure sales people (eg, selling her house in one day), my unemployment and ongoing surveillance situation, and her willingness to support me until her last dime.

Overall, my extended family is typically lower-middle to upper-middle class. As I've said, they're mostly university-educated professionals, with me being the main exception (read, unemployed good-for-nothing). They're a pretty decent bunch, without being boring or humdrum. Two of my more artistic relatives ended up in New York.

By the way, that $3000 car repair I mentioned had been done on my relative's car? It turned out to be $4200. The entire internal chassis of the car somehow came loose. Sounds pretty unlikely to me, but what do I know. This particular relative is quite talented, and has been in the public eye, plus this person has had some political involvement.

(Note: Holy sh*t! I mulled over whether to write the sentence, above, for a good 20 minutes. When I finally started typing it out, someone just kicked the glass bottles I'd placed outside my apartment door, earlier this evening, and startled me. [3] It's 3:45am. Speaking of sh*t, earlier today, I found cat sh*t on my door mat. Other info to come.)


I commend people for being skeptical and independent, critical thinkers. I'm glad people don't just take my word for the crazy ideas and theories I spout on here. Yet, to help reduce my overanxious and defensive rants about economics in future, I really hope people may apply their analytical abilities in a way that synthesizes the truth in a more holistic and realistic fashion.

Empires are often created and manage to survive through unscrupulous means. Big Brother *does* play an active role in the technological and corporate monopolies currently being built. And, finally, social empowerment is a major issue. Mumia Abu-Jamal and Leonard Pelletier are classic examples of what I mean, but I'm sorry, I don't have time to explore their cases further. [4] Please do your own research.

I know that I am who I say I am. While the onus is certainly on me to prove my claims about government surveillance, if I have to keep on defending or explaining myself, purely because of people's negative stereotypes and entrenched social perceptions, then you'll just see more bitterness and antagonism being dragged out here, and you'll never get to hear the real scoop on how pervasive (and deadly) illegal surveillance is becoming in Canada, and how civil rights are going right down the tubes.

(Civil rights, what's that?!? Gosh, I think this concept is actually disappearing from our collective consciousness.)

I can definitely show that I've been an ongoing target for threats and harassment for several years, and that many institutional forces appear to be involved. My only 'crime' has been to express my opinions vigorously and to push for change, while admittedly being critical, antagonistic, combative, and emotionally unstable. So bite me, I was reeling from sensory overload and emotional distress.

Regardless of how undiplomatic I may be (and George Brown could be accused of the same problem), it would be a real blow to Canada's credibility as a nation, if security bodies are actively undermining public power and co-opting Toronto's many different communities (queer, ethnic, academic, etc), as well as strategically supporting certain corporations and industries, as part of a covert quest for global power and control.


Note: George Brown springs to mind for several reasons. One is that I've noticed my mom's students frequently seem to study certain topics and books that correspond closely with my overall situation; this happens at very specific times. I've never really thought about Canada's state of democracy in terms of, say, ethnic background. Yet, I can see now why there may be such a strong drive to undermine people, like myself, who espouse such liberal values: it might actually open the door to greater public participation (oh, no!). It'd also explain why certain prominent or influential people, particularly women of colour (those who aren't moles), seem to be increasingly targetted or co-opted by intelligence agencies.

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[1] My mother shares the same birthday as René Descartes. Unfortunately, her own philosophical bent and abiding interest in understanding the Big Picture has been reduced to constantly analyzing how to make ends meet. She has been much changed by both my unwellness and my ongoing claims of surveillance these past four years.

[2] 'Actuary: A social mathematician who uses mathematical skills to define, analyze and solve complex business and social problems involving insurance and employee benefit programs.' [Source.]

(Note: I chose the definition above because I think it may help explain my own ways of looking at the world. Corporate moguls and intelligence agencies have found it exceedingly easy to appropriate my ideas or approaches. While I'm not all that brilliant or unique, I do have some interesting notions, and have researched actual strategies that could have helped the general public - and particularly, activists and left-leaning types. Too bad my urgent calls for action continually fell on deaf ears.)

[3] This is the second time I've had a strange incident occur, immediately after packing up part of my home bar. See 'My home bar' (Oct. 8, 2005). Seems like my whole bartending adventure has become symbolic for taking me down as a person. In reading my surveillance and harassment stories, you may also notice some correspondence between what I'm suggesting is going on and bold new changes and upcoming trends in the agriculture, retail food, and hospitality industries - now and in the future.

[4] The most holistic conference I ever attended was the International Conference on Penal Abolition (ICOPA), which was held at Ryerson University in 2000. I mean that in every sense. I've been to Holistic Learning workshops and a Transformative Learning Conference, yet these tend to be more specialized.