Innovating our society

Remember what I said about implementation? Social and environmental innovations don't always work well within existing frameworks. A key challenge to creating positive and lasting changes in our society lies in bridging where things are at now and what is possible.

Looking back at the things I've helped to create, with a far more critical eye (now that I have a sharp reviewer for a friend), I can see how strongly biased things may appear to others, at first glance. [1] However, you actually have to be IN THE SITUATION to understand:

1. Why the material is tailored to certain audiences (eg, who makes the decisions? what are the desired outcomes? etc);
   
   
2. Why the information or overall emphasis may seem to be directed at certain people or causes, or to lean in specific directions; and
   
   
3. How and why my ideas actually work.
   

I try to include and acknowledge all people or interested parties - without diluting the overall message, purpose, or targeted outcomes of the project. Innovation balanced with practicality.


Creating Change Through Community

I enjoy discussing social-environmental change ideas in many different areas. But the one that matters to me most, and which Big Brother has learned so much from, is my never-ending quest to create community. I don't just mean any type of community, but the kind that really opens up one's heart and soul to a deeper experience of joy and communion, while (optionally) still supporting important causes or group action. [1] I've participated in equitable and caring community groups or gatherings (usually non-political ones), so I know it is possible to create them - yet, it's always a delicate process: respect is key.

Before, I always attempted to broaden social contexts, so that everyone may participate. Greater equality and satisfaction, effective co-operation, and more productive outcomes are often the result. I suppose this is called participatory democracy. [2]

Big Brother has found my views and approaches to be highly useful. Sure, there are countless other people, who are far more accomplished, intelligent, active, and capable than myself, whom the government really should be watching. Yet, there are many reasons why I've remained a prime focus for Big Brother.


------

[1] Far too many activists feel drained and overburdened. Yet, most do not realize how supportive and energizing, as well as practical and constructive, circles and circling can be.

[2] More about participatory democracy:

• Wikipedia definition;


• The Six Nations: Oldest Living Participatory Democracy on Earth;


• Short page on participatory democracy.

'You are a child of the universe...'

My mother has always been one to appreciate inspiring words of wisdom, and she enjoys sharing such soul-food with others. Max Ehrmann's 'Desiderata' (1927) is one such timeless classic, which she keeps posted on a cabinet.

Ehrmann's simple, yet profound verses are humbling: they remind me how far I am from being spiritually balanced and at peace. As a therapist once said, I'm too stuck on this notion of 'fairness' - it's unrealistic.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.

...
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
...

Striving for wholeness

Just started a second part-time job. They've legally bound me not to disclose any information. I know there are alternatives to selling out like this. Eventually, I'll get there: I have a dream.

Creating rainbow realities

Happy Pride, everyone!

Forever editing

Edited several recent posts, back to June 5. I only seem to have two gears: wordy and long-winded.

Toronto marketing maniac

Ever get that crazy marketing bug? I sure did. Here are a few 'marketing projects,' which I created for myself between 2000 and 2002. [1]

During these past few years, I've acquired a reputation for being a shameless self-promoter. Yet, I feel my earlier marketing efforts were more about: 1) surviving in the workplace, 2) wanting to see my ideas being put to use, and 3) needing to create the type of world that I, personally, would enjoy living in. That's just my view of the situation; but I'll let you be the judge.

I certainly was desperate to find both community and alternative spaces - plus, I felt an overall urgency about where our world is headed. Sadly, due to my reactiveness, and my being under constant government surveillance all these years, I've actually helped facilitate the *opposite* of what I believe in.

Companies spend hundreds of millions of dollars - possibly billions - on marketing research, branding, achieving effective results, and creating a lasting impact. Yet, by studying my life - in extreme detail - these bigwigs have reaped infinite rewards. Also, my suspicions that Big Brother has been closely studying my behaviours and interactions, my socio-environmental concerns, my interest in cross-cultural communications, and my overall marketing verve is what makes me so certain that innovative corporate collusion - with a 'social marketing' edge - is becoming widespread in Canada. [2]

Both illegal surveillance of the masses and a high recruitment of moles have proven to be advantageous for both governments and major corporations. [3] Now, widespread digital technologies and corporate confederacy - on an international scale - are helping to achieve the totalitarian regime, which I keep railing about. Folks, I'm talking about rapid growth and partnerships, unlimited information access, and powerful corporate networks.

Talk about my being an inexpensive resource for marketing research! People often suggest that the government wouldn't waste so much time and money on someone, like myself. I'll tell you this much: their gains have far exceeded any costs.


---------

[1] Clearly, I'm no artist; I merely put elements together to help achieve an overall vision or goal.

[2] My theories about various governmental actions, corporate strategies, media manipulation, and the undermining of public power are repeatedly borne out in actual news events.

[3] This may sound totally whacked, but...I caused both CSIS and the FBI to: i) tighten up their 'security' measures, ii) increase their electronic surveillance of citizens, iii) help major corporations to co-operate more, and iv) get more creative in controlling the overall population. Besides being a freedom-lover, I wanted my privacy back - foolish me. Both my headstrong personality and my wish to create wide-scale change have also been pivotal factors in this astounding situation.

Eco-laundry

If you don't have laundry facilities, or you have lots of clothes that require handwashing, or you simply want to conserve water and electricity - this washer is for you:

Wonder Washer

Other alternative washers can be found here.

Get the Multipod

Here's a device that every activist or journalist should get. It's called the Multipod 5-in-1. Slightly bigger than a Bic lighter, this thing takes digital pictures, digital video, and audio recordings, plus it works as a webcam, and can also store computer files.

I'll eventually be creating a 'Links' page, with sub-topics focusing on activism, civil rights, privacy and security, countersurveillance, holistic health, transformative learning, and so on. Hopefully, people can educate and empower themselves, in order to stem what is now a huge and growing tide of social and political control.

------

My subversive style

Maybe overanalyzing my spy-novel dramas and various hijinx is counterproductive. My living in a constant state of rebellion, anger, and terror doesn't do anyone any good - it simply makes me miserable, paranoid, combative, reactive, and so on. Even if everything I've been saying may be true, and even if I appear to be under serious threat, there's no point in letting it consume me, right?

Still, people will think I'm a delusional freak or bored loner, with way too much time on my hands, unless I'm able to support my far-out claims and concerns. [1] So, today, I'll attempt to show how my subversive style may have proven useful to Big Brother, and hence, why I haven't been an ordinary subject or target for security bodies.

First, let's review a few causal factors in my surveillance:

1. I had first come to the attention of authorities through odd circumstances (ie, passport situation).
   
   
2. I believe my extreme ways, eclectic interests, and certain unusual incidents and encounters made me increasingly interesting and useful to intelligence agencies.
   
   
3. I also believe Big Brother's study of me - and their rapidly growing power - has reached such extremes partly because I'm not your typical 'activist.'
   
   
4. My prolonged emotional unwellness (especially anger), social isolation, confrontational style, my strong focus on race, gender, class, and orientation, and the fact that I often draw upon my private-sector work experiences, have made me both a trouble-maker and a social pariah - and hence, an interesting specimen for security types.
   

Jack of All Trades

To understand why I make some rather bold and unusual accusations about mainstream media, it helps to know more about my work experiences. I'll be posting some examples of my various marketing outreach ideas, proposals, and campaigns shortly.

But first, I need to clarify a few things about myself...

I'm a bit of an oddball, and somewhat eccentric (more so than I used to be). I'm also a mass of contradictions (which makes writing this weblog damn hard). For example, I tend to rebel against whatever social setting I find myself in: if I'm with activists, I think and act conservatively; if I'm in mainstream or conservative environments, my liberal self and progressive values come forward. Don't ask me why, but I seem to enjoy playing devil's advocate.

I often confuse both myself and others with my seeming inconsistencies. [2] One example can be seen in the environmental slogan, below. Based on these pictures, one may mistakenly think I'm artistic - but I'm not. [3] I've never been considered 'artistic,' and I have no talent in this area.

I do have a pretty wide-ranging employment history, if that counts for anything. This includes working for corporations, several years ago, as well as being employed by other large organizations, through part-time work or long-ago summer jobs. These bureaucratic experiences have greatly influenced my understanding of human politics, and they helped foster an interest in creating effective social and organizational change: it's all about implementation and overall sustainability.

Note: Don't all educated, middle-class folks aspire to get 'decent jobs,' working for major companies? Unfortunately, I've never been able to last very long in large organizations, myself. I'm not good at conforming to rules and structured environments, and I didn't understand *power politics* until the past few years.


Corporate Non-Conformist

I'm essentially a communicator, with a marketing bent. When I feel strongly about something and immerse myself in it, I can sometimes help problem-solve the situation, or create something new. But, alas, my creative marketing skills cannot be called upon at will. Being far too self-indulgent, I tend to promote the things I personally believe in. Unfortunately, most private sector employers do not share my interests or goals, and the non-profit sector often shuns me. [4]

I did give it my best shot, however. I worked for a couple of large corporations, over a span of about 3-1/2 years. That's not a long time, yet my corporate work experiences have strongly impacted my understanding of the world, economic forces, social causes, the environment, and so on. Despite being a mere cog in the corporate wheel, I nevertheless strived to be politically subversive within the mainstream.


Two Cooperate in Loving Earth

One of my key interests has always been learning how to mass-market social and environmental awareness. [5] The environmental slogan, below, created by my friend Gavin and myself, is one such effort.

It probably doesn't seem like much, but this environmental ad is actually designed around a company's corporate theme. Gavin came up with the brilliant play on words. I came up with the slogan. We collaborated on the visuals, except for the second one, which is my own (this one was done after, that's why it's not in colour). Although these are just crayon drawings, one ad was eventually done up for public use.

---------------------

[1] I'll eventually post a detailed backgrounder on how this whole surveillance situation came to be.

[2] It's important to understand differences among people, in order to create a peaceful and amicable co-existence. Sometimes, it gets right down to basics, like how one thinks. The whole left vs. right-brain thinking is definitely worth considering, when any miscommunications arise. I've also found both the Myers-Briggs personality tests and the Keirsey temperament tests helpful. Here's a quick overview.

Note: I used to circulate online personality quizzes widely to friends and family. But having discovered the predatory nature of Big Brother and their data-mining ways, plus their close focus on Torontonians, Canadians, ethnic communities, and so on, I now think people are better off not accessing information that may provide too many clues to one's psychological make-up.

[3] I don't have artistic talents or technical abilities, yet based on some of my sporadic efforts, people may suspect me of sidelining as a graphic designer, while claiming to be unemployed (or low-income, penniless, in debt). Believe me, I've worked with graphic designers: any skills I may have are at kindergarten level, while they are PhD material. It would take me forever just to complete one project!

[Edit: I probably sound like a tax-evader, or something; yet I was raised with a strong and honest work ethic. Thankfully, I have all my financial records, dating back to 2001. I burned my bank books for 1999 to 2000 - they were too depressing, plus I was moving. Prior to that I was in India for a year, Toronto for a year, Asia for four years, London Ontario for four years, and once upon a time... I'll be posting some pics of my adventures here.]

[4] The constant mismatch between my interests, skills, aptitudes, and so on, makes it hard to find suitable work. And talk about a contradictory personality - it's taken me until now to figure out why I can't just 'be like everybody else' (eg, finish courses, find a job and stick with it, settle down, etc, etc).

[5] My having a strong interest in effective outreach helps shed light on why my surveillance has evolved in such an unusual way. It also plays a role in my persistent claims that conservatives - both in Canada and the U.S. - are rapidly co-opting 'the Left' and eroding public power, by using creative, daring, and 'pseudo-progressive' means. I sense authorities have been studying and emulating the various community outreach strategies used by both myself and many others - both currently and historically.)

Scattered notes

I often say I'm 'checking my notes' to confirm certain details about my surveillance, yet it takes me a long time to follow up. There are several reasons for this:

1. My notes are all over the place, and they're often written on every conceivable scrap of paper you can imagine (see below);
   
   
2. The various notebooks and diaries I've kept are mostly taped up and sealed; and
   
   
3. I'm just plain disorganized.

Please be patient.

Here's one example of how my notes tend to be scattered all over the place, and why they're not easy for me to find:

(See those messy scrawls at the top?)

Today's post

I am so pumped. After attending some great events, I went to work and did a lot of surveys, which was good. (Today's survey topic was Toronto's airport, coincidentally enough. More info to come.)

Yet, I don't think being productive is what's got me going. I woke up today, wrote a few neurotic emails (gawd, when will I ever stop?), did my daily exercise; then, I went power-walking and felt pretty exhilarated. The good thing about having been a banquet server /waitress (at so many different places) is that I can now do walkathons - even in a bloody blizzard. I have a friend (one of my few), who travels by foot everywhere. It doesn't matter how far, how late, or what the weather is like, we do the biped shuffle, traversing downtown and beyond.

I think another factor in my upbeat, yet sad mood, today - if you can be both at once - has been reminiscing about the past. I was able to share a bit about my previous experiences with someone, and it made me realize how much I need to be in touch with people (even if they're going to be more intensely surveilled, as a result). Hey, I'm just a human being, with basic needs.

But I'm probably not going to have much of a social life, if I keep talking about growing political agendas that are happening on an epic-scale. Even people with the best of intentions can only take so much. I had already alienated most of my old or good friends, early on, with my seemingly paranoid claims of surveillance (most of my friends aren't activist-types, more like New-Agey). But I'm more coherent now, so some do realize that there's substance to what I've been saying, plus an overall consistency. Those who know me well have quietly accepted that 'something' is going on - everyone, that is, except for my mother, who persistently defends the goodness and guilelessness in others, in spite of their ready betrayals, and she still doubts my fantastical theories. Who wouldn't?

Still, I've watched so many treacherous people actively betraying those around them - even when lives are at stake, and in spite of the seeming closeness of their relationships - that it boggles the mind. And I have to wonder why I try so hard to let people know about it? It serves no purpose, other than to piss people off, hurt them, or make them wary. This makes ME the rat, lunatic, or freak (and a bitter one, at that). In the past year or so, I've really come to see a whole - new - world. It grieves me beyond belief. Yet, this is human existence.

Unfortunately, I can't be warm and smiling towards people, pretending like everything's normal. Yet, feeling sincere compassion or concern for others has also become painful and difficult for me - just as being constantly on-guard has killed my spontaneity. Not being believed, for such a long time, has definitely warped me.

People think I'm distorting the truth or hiding important details, yet: i) I'm struggling to counter people's deeply entrenched perceptions, stereotypes, and assumptions; ii) I share far more about myself than is necessary, and iii) I go to great lengths to build common understanding - too much so. I probably undervalue and disrespect myself in the process.

This post has gotten pretty heavy and serious, but I think I needed to address these issues. I met a wonderful facilitator once, who spoke about emotionally going into the dips and valleys, in order to get to the mountaintop. Looking back at all the incredible people, who have touched my life with their beauty and wisdom, it amazes me that I now find myself in such a bizarre and awful situation. Wow.

(I may not be checking my emails for awhile. I was probably reaching out to people too much, as a way to distract myself from my own healing.)

Small steps

To avoid being too specific, I often make insinuating comments, yet these don't come across well at all. I'm going to work on this personal shortcoming. And I do apologize to those who may feel affronted by my snideness.

Downing pills, or downing yourself?

Yesterday, I attended 'Your Drug May Be Your Problem.' This excellent and much-needed talk on psychiatric medications' role in both suicide and suicide attempts was presented by Angela Bischoff of Greenspiration.org, in collaboration with anti-psychiatry activist Don Weitz, and with visual media support by Kelly Reinhardt of BoilingFrog.ca. The session was both highly informative and uplifting.

As someone who's been through various psychiatric meds, and did experience some suicidal impulses, plus having one institution and various practitioners determined to label me delusional, I could relate to the material being presented.

Angela Bischoff's thoroughness and deep courage in exploring such a difficult topic is commendable: it was exactly what I've come to expect from this unique individual. Having lost her long-time partner, Tooker Gomberg (mirror site), to apparent suicide through psychiatric meds and seemingly outright negligence and irresponsible dosaging by the doctor, she has not sat back and allowed this unnecessary tragedy to go unquestioned. Being a truly committed activist, Angela is launching a national campaign to raise public awareness about the misinformation, over-medicating, and cover-ups being propagated by pharmaceutical companies.

RIGHT ON to Angela Bischoff for educating people about this little-known problem of suicide and suicidal reactions caused by anti-depressants (currently used by 40 to 50 million people worldwide), and also to Don Weitz and others for their similarly brave work. (See Weitz's tell-it-like-it-is book review on The Last Taboo: A Survival Guide to Mental Health in Canada, written by Scott Simmie.)

People: We need to be appreciating and supporting Canada's hard-working activists. If you don't have time to do much yourself, then for godsakes, make a donation or otherwise help promote the work of those, who are striving hard to do something for both people and this precious planet we live on. Too many bloated charities are pumping your 'feel-good' contributions into bureaucratic administration costs and self-promotion - not ACTION.

If you love Canada and believe in what Tooker Gomberg and Angela Bischoff have both stood for, and strived so hard to help realize, I strongly encourage you to send a donation to Greenspiration.org today.



More about Tooker Gomberg:

Tooker Gomberg was runner-up mayoral candidate in the 2000 Toronto Election (VoteToronto.ca). This, alone, is a testament to his integrity and high esteem within socio-environmental circles (see slideshow). While the incumbent Mayor Mel Lastman was already a household name, Tooker Gomberg was virtually unknown in the wider city, and he was somewhat lampooned by mainstream media - yet through the strength of his personal reputation, he managed to outpace 24 other candidates. Amazing.

Tooker Gomberg's profound commitment to the environment, people, and infinite causes and issues is without compare. Bottom-up, top-down, and inside-out, Tooker knew his stuff, and he always seemed to be putting himself on the line, for both this planet and its inhabitants. I doubt we will ever see another like him.

A sensitive environmentalist, with much creativity, humour, and heart, Tooker Gomberg was truly a cross-Canada activist, and a profound visionary. His passion and ideas seemed to transform the very people and places he connected with. May his spirit live on, and continue to inspire us all.

• Globalization Studies' tribute to Tooker Gomberg at University of Lethbridge.
  
  
• 'An Activist’s Life: Honouring the Legacy of Tooker Gomberg' by James Kosawan
  
  
• Activist Tooker Gomberg Dies
  
  
• Letter to CRTC in support of Star Ray TV (Star Ray TV news article).

More about delusions:

Bipolar World's definition of delusions. And I just had to post this excerpt:

In other cases, the delusion may be assumed to be false by doctor or psychiatrist assessing the belief, because it seems to be unlikely, bizarre or held with excessive conviction. Psychiatrists rarely have the time or resources to check the validity of a person’s claims leading to some true beliefs to be erroneously classified as delusional.[5] This is known as the Martha Mitchell effect, after the wife of the attorney general who alleged that illegal activity was taking place in the White House. At the time her claims were thought to be signs of mental illness, and only after the Watergate scandal broke was she proved right (and hence sane).

[Book reference from original webpage:

[5] Maher, B.A. (1988) Anomalous experience and delusional thinking: The logic of explanations. In T. Oltmanns and B. Maher (eds) Delusional Beliefs. New York: Wiley Interscience. ISBN 0471836354]

(I have removed this postscript to discuss, as one may wish. Took guts on my part.)

What you should know about your drugs

I totally forgot to post this schedule of video viewings and information talks in Toronto. (I was a little upset over the recent death of a family friend, which is both highly unlikely and medically questionable. Even a doctor at the funeral was in doubt. The family of the deceased are in utter shock. I have very specific reasons for thinking this was no freak health attack.)


Big Pharma and Suicide, plus 9-11 Videos

• - June 6 Your Drug May be Your Problem w/ Angela Bischoff
  
  
• - June 7 Activist Video - Authors: David Ray Griffin, Stephen Pelletier, Sr. Dianna Ortiz
  
  
• - June 10 Universal Premiere 'Reverend Billy vs. Zimmerman's Freshmart' (outdoor screening in the Market)
  
  
• - June 11 boilingfrog's re-location PARTY, from The Junction to ...

Your Drug May be Your Problem - What is the connection between antidepressant drugs and suicide?

2 events in remembrance of Tooker Gomberg - with Angela Bischoff, http://www.greenspiration.org

Thursday June 2, 2005, noon - 1 pm

St Michaels Hospital, Paul Marshall Lecture Theatre

Victoria St and Queen St E., enter on Queen, main floor

with guest: Dr. Joel Lexchin

Monday June 6, 2005, 7 - 10 pm

Woodsworth College Residence - 321 Bloor St W, rm 35 downstairs

SE corner, Bloor at St George

with guest Don Weitz, and screenings of two documentaries:

Selling Sickness: CBC Nature of Things, 2004
http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/show_sellingsickness.html

Little Helpers: CBC Fifth Estate, 2004
http://www.cbc.ca/fifth/archives03-04.html

For more info, email Angela at greenspi [at] web.ca

I trust the presenters of these talks for their knowledge, integrity, and commitment. For more details, please visit the sites below, or check Now Magazine:

www.greenspiration.com


www.boilingfrog.ca

(also see www.boilingfrogsblog.blogspot.com)
------------------------

Wish I Was a Geek - Part 1

(Written March 18, 2005 - posting now. Edited numerous times.)

In writing about electronic surveillance, or discussing computer stuff on here, I sense people focus on *me*, rather than the government. Like, maybe I've tried to hack into Security Headquarters, or have attempted to commit some fraudulent crime, and am somehow deserving of government threats and harassment.

Any reasonable person might wonder:

1) Why would I be the target of surveillance, if I haven’t planned or committed any crimes?

2) Maybe I’ve angered organized crime elements, or I’m a techno-wiz with dubious connections?


I can certainly see the government playing things off that way. It's not that hard - after all, I'm Asian. The joke is, most of my learning about security angles, surveillance, survival, and sheer inhumanity has been from my surveillers, though some has been through my survival adventures abroad. But the lion's share has definitely been through surveillance.

While people keep dying, or bad things seem to happen right on cue, Big Brother's many minions laugh at me for bringing other people down, in my desperate attempts to be heard, believed, and so on. But I'm not the one carrying out these dastardly deeds - I have no reason to.

In a typically chauvinistic way, these greedy buggers are gaining control and reaping all the benefits, while I get the blame for any misfortunes. It's kind of like blaming Eve for eating the apple, or cursing Pandora for opening the box of human plagues. Intellectual curiosity, independence, and political resistance in women is undervalued and often discouraged.

I was certainly wary of Big Brother back in 1997. This is when problems with my passport, combined with my odd behaviours, first attracted security attention. Yet, I naively thought: Go ahead, investigate me - I've done nothing wrong. (Uh, did I ever mention how brash and foolhardy I am?)

I later found myself reading an article about a Croatian-Canadian man, who helped raise millions to subsidize war in Bosnia. [1] My reaction was: What about him, for godsakes? No surveillance, no harassment. Why?

Meanwhile, having no shady connections to speak of, nor had I ever considered selling my passport, I nevertheless managed to be put under surveillance. [2]


Wake Up Call to Myself and Others

Still, I admit I've contributed to this ever-growing situation, and I see how it all came about. [3] Only someone as flaky, reactive, and extreme as myself could have escalated things to such a dire level. I try to see this whole unbelievable experience as being educational, on some level. But that doesn't make it acceptable: invading people's privacy, creating corporate collusion and monopolies, terrorizing or underhandedly killing people, and creating health hazards, crimes, and news stories to sway public opinion, is NOT RIGHT.

I've learned a great deal about how intelligence agencies view things. Regardless of one's innocence or lack of wrongdoing, one is treated as both a criminal and a potential threat - no matter what. Paranoia, cynicism, and a relentless desire to conquer and control are the natural mindset of security bodies. Those who threaten the status quo are either enemies or useful tools.

This is why peace activists need to understand the motivations for, and the mentality and mechanisms behind, WAR - without going over to the 'dark side,' as I seem to have done. Otherwise, people will always be at the mercy of authorities. Renowned U.S. General George S. Patton communicates the spirit of battle well. (Can't find the exact quote that helped me grasp my surveillance situation more clearly...)


Weirdos Are More Interesting

My problem is: I dislike being judged inaccurately. So, the more my surveillers acted like I was a criminal or evildoer, the more I'd explain myself in frustrated monologues to hidden 'eyes and ears' around me. This has fed an unbelievably negative cycle of harassment and abuse, as I've pretty much laid out my entire psychological landscape for authorities, plus some handy insights about the Canadian person of colour experience.

Yet, not only do they know me inside out, but I have reason to believe - as a result of studying someone so neurotic as myself, and my extreme interactions with others - they've learned to profile other people far more accurately, based on body language, what they say, how they say it, and so on. It's truly scary. (Note: They are also using many other means to study people's general behaviours and overall psyche.)

Intelligence agencies have always been doing these things, sure. Yet, I can point to four aspects of my behaviour and personal interests, which I believe have influenced security strategies for subverting public power and controlling dissent:

1. I often trigger extreme, primal, or instinctual reactions in people - no joke.
   


2. Having Borderline Personality tendencies, I constantly zoom in and out with my micro-macro, local-global analyses of the world. (This makes writing a coherent essay difficult, by the way.)


3. I tend to apply innovative approaches from the private sector to socio-environmental causes (eg, organizational learning).
   


4. I'm very out with my queerness, and I include queer issues in almost every aspect of social and environmental politics that I discuss.
   
   [Edit: In the CRTC letter, I didn't feel the need to state my orientation; but I have been happily *out* for many years.]
   

--------

[1] The Saturday Night article is excellent, yet not available online. Such comprehensive investigative journalism ought to be lauded and widely encouraged.

[2] I may sound like a 'wild child,' yet any offbeat characters I've met have only been in the past few years.

Note: Also, while I may seem hyper-political now, this isn't how I used to be. I truly believed that if people could find ways to make positive change *doable*, they would make different choices. How naive I was.

[3] Since 1998, I’ve become NERVOUS and UNBALANCED around money, sex, and power issues - basically, anything involving trust, self-worth, and so on. The chakra energy system makes sense to me. I felt my spiritual growth was blocked, so I was trying to explore this aspect of myself. Yet, I believe my root chakra became screwed up, following my trip through Vietnam, and after my stay in India. (See more chakra info.)

Various: 9-11, murders, movies

9-11 Peace Movement

Since I've recently been talking about the U.S. lately, you may also want to check out this 9-11 Peace Movement art contest, and even participate! Everyone is encouraged to enter.


Media Coincidences

I've suggested that mainstream media seems to be conspiring to create specific new trends of consciousness by presenting people and subjects in certain ways. (I know that's a very vague statement, but it will have to do.)

Well, with Karla Homolka and her current boyfriend, convicted killer Jean-Paul Gerbet, being in all the news lately, the showing of Gun Crazy (aka Deadly is the Female) on TVO this evening, which I happened to watch briefly, seems rather timely (see reviews).

While serendipity does happen, I don't think the scheduling of this movie was merely 'coincidental' on TVO's part. It's more likely an example of how a feature from the film library is specifically chosen, which mirrors current news sensations - in this case, the upcoming release of convicted serial sex killer Karla Homolka. The dialogue and psychological tensions in Gun Crazy are so hauntingly realistic ('I don't know why - but we go together like a gun and ammunition, baby') in exploring the dark side of sexual passion. One may well imagine the whole Paul Bernardo-Karla Homolka killing-fest having gone on in a similar fashion.

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill here?

Well, what I find more intriguing is how similarly and tabloid-like both The National Post and The Toronto Sun have presented the about-to-be-released Homolka and lover Gerbet. [1] I can't find the coverpage story and photo I saw the other day, but The National Post showed a large photo of Karla Homolka lying on her prison bed, smiling, with bright red lipstick and a come-hither look. The Sun's, 'Meet Karla's Killer Lover,' had a very swanky photo of Jean-Paul Gerbet with a shaved head, wearing a sharp-looking suit. Both newscovers had a kind of fashionista, high glamour appeal to them, as did the corresponding headlines.

Am I merely imagining the revivalism of cool with the whole shaved-head look, which is strangely reminiscent of both skinheads and holocaust victims?

Funny how shaved head folks are popping into my life at every turn. Also, see this recent email dialogue among my relatives.


Here's an interesting scoop on Natalie Portman's new do - she apparently had her long locks shaved on live TV in Berlin. This naturally sparked many references to neo-nazism, S&M, and lesbianism.

'Natalie Portman still shaved'

'Natalie Portman Shaves'

Natalie Portman Arrives at Cannes Premiere with a Shaved Head


I found both Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith and Kingdom of Heaven share some similar motifs.* And, like Portman's real-life buzz-cut, the female lead in Kingdom of Heaven shorns her hair in a dramatic moment. Both are excellent films worth seeing. They're the only movies I've seen in awhile, mind you, but I was struck by the compelling epic scale, powerful visuals, deep emotions, and overall choreography. The Star Wars series will always be a classic. In particular, the self-empowering and positive reclaiming of historical identity is important and quite inspiring.


Mr. & Mrs. Smith*

By the way, folks, you read it here first. I questioned (rather harshly, I admit) the break-up of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston in January, sensing that there was more to the story. Have you seen the movie previews for Mr. & Mrs. Smith?* Interesting that the 'new couple' - that is, Brad Pitt and Anglina Jolie - are now starring in a *spy flick* together (see reviews).

Remember how I made allusions to spy work and media's ways of moving the masses in this post? Jolie now claims to have no romantic interest in Pitt, whatsoever: they are simply 'good friends.'

I had also highlighted the fact that Jennifer Aniston apparently 'filed for divorce immediately,' yet never called a divorce lawyer. (It was mentioned on a TV entertainment news programme.) Overall, I'd say this turn of events makes for a pretty good publicity stunt, allowing Pitt and Aniston to happily resume their relationship (eventually), with no hard feelings all around. But who knows...?


*One adult movie ticket is $4.25 at Rainbow Cinemas. I'd like to point out my reasons for going out to the theatre, several times a year: 1) Spending time with my mother; and 2) doing something relatively 'mainstream.' Yet, I also spot future political trends, while viewing more exploits from my life on the big screen, so it's not exactly relaxing.


PS - I may often get into detailed political analysis, but I'm a lousy politician, myself - although I'm learning. Everything I say, do, or have undertaken is a testament to this fact: I have few allies, I never 'gain the upper hand,' nor is my reputation smooth and polished.

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[1] It's no secret that The Toronto Sun is actually a conservative-leaning newspaper written in an accessible style mostly for working-class folks. I can post various analyses to confirm this perception later, though who knows exactly when.

Just more family spam

Weird spam and fun for the whole family!

(Note: I've replaced names with random initials.)

Date: Fri, 20 May 2005
Subject: Re: trash email

Mine were returned emails too. They were mainly strange addresses with maybe one line of message in german.

I understand R and N are going to K's place tomorrow too. We are picking up R. So see you there.

-----------------------------


I have not received any german email at Sympatico and Yahoo. But I received 5 of them over the last few days at usa.net. I have not even corresponded with anyone at that id during that period.

Lets hope it is only a nuisance and not destroying anything.

B.


Subject: RE: sober worm
Date: Thu, 19 May 2005 20:26:49 -0400

I did receive some message with a German subject. I don’t know who was the sender. It just came back to me as if I sent [it] with all the weird addresses on it as recipients which have been blocked to receive that message. And all those recipients all have a govt. address.

Weird.

I never sent that message.



-----Original Message-----
Sent: May 18, 2005 10:33 PM
Subject: Re: sober worm



S, I don't think the message is really from you. I believe it is the sender who uses other people's addresses. Don't worry. I simply delete them when I see the German script. I did not expect German messages from you.

-H


XX wrote:

Hmmm, sorry about that. I'm usually pretty good about checking for virus' ,
spyware. I don't usually open unknown emails either. Wonder where I got it
from.

But I'm not receiving german spam....


>Subject: Re: sober worm
>Date: Wed, 18 May 2005 08:50:14 -0400 (EDT)
>
>I simply delete them. I have received a total of about 50 of them in 4
>days.
>
>H.
>
>
>XXX wrote:
>
>Yes, i have also been receiving lots of german garbage email. please do be
>careful who we include on family email postings. how do i get rid of this
>worm?
>
>TTT wrote: I just received a German message
>from S's e-mail address. I have been receiving loads of German
>messages for the past 5 days. It is the Sober worm. I wonder if it is
>brought on by [XX's] e-mail.
>

These email exchanges occurred shortly after I had mentioned government harassment and racism in a recent therapy session. None of the messages above are from me, plus I hadn't accessed my messages for awhile. I myself did not receive any of the German email spam mentioned. I do, however, have a crank call from a man shouting in German, which dates back to 2001, prior to the 9-11 attacks. However, this call was received at my friend's place.

I've been politically-inept and reactive for a number of years - all the more amplified, with the seeming life-threatening harassment that I and others appear to be experiencing - but I was never publicly so, until 2003. Most of my emails (1999 to 2003) were calls for community and co-operative action. However, since returning from India in 1999, where I had interned with a co-operative organization, I have often been challenging people's conceptions of democracy and participation. I come on a bit strong.

So, yes, I do regularly push people's buttons and raise difficult issues - both in emails and in person - but my more confrontational panic modes only began in the last two years. Yet, clear instances of phone clicking and other anomalies started in 1998 - long before I moved to my current place. My own note-taking about strange activities began in 1998, shortly after I was threatened with an RCMP investigation, presumably on suspicion of trying to procure an extra passport.

I suspect if I try to make this connection in future, Ottawa's security office will claim they have no active files on me. I'll post some of my usual insubstantial proof to back up this wildly psychic notion later.

Inclusively open-minded?

Two themes have been springing up in the Conservatives' camp, these past few weeks. During the media's ramp-up of the Liberal Party's sponsorship scandal and a strong push for a federal election, 'integrity' and 'inclusivity' are two buzzwords that have been used by both Conservative party leader Stephen Harper and deputy leader Peter MacKay, for the past month or so.

Now, I don't mean to be negative or cynical, yet I am fairly certain these are not words and angles used by the Conservatives in the past 100 years or so. Yet, the 'New Politics' for conservatives on both sides of the border, as I see it (ie, post-2003), is steadily and unpredictably co-opting what has been the traditional territory of leftists, socialists, and progressives. It is a bold and creative move. And let's face it, conservative parties and politicians generally have the financial resources to implement and market any propaganda or image they wish to.

Since I'm on this hot new topic of 'inclusivity,' I'd like to clarify that the whole queer identity and promiscuity thing has not been a factor in my surveillance or harassment. Other than making the authorities more curious about me, sexuality and sordid tales have not been the cause of my persecution, because there is nothing to tell.

I sometimes overemphasize certain things on here, out of my concern for and wish to include others. But I myself have not done or written anything extremely kinky, either on dating websites and the like, or in person. I have simply sought other open-minded, eclectic, hopefully well-travelled, kindred spirits to link up with - basically, friendship first, and anything else is a bonus.

I am queer; I am open-minded; and I am free-spirited. But my sexual experimentation has been pretty tame, thus far. And no, I've never been an escort or anything, but I believe in solidarity with sex workers, as with any social group, so long as people or the system are not being abused.

In fact, to my utter dismay, I've been celibate for a couple of years now. I could blame this on my failing looks and anti-social behaviours, but I think there's more to it. After I had returned from India, my trust issues became increasingly pronounced. Then, the trauma and betrayal of widespread moledom took me to an unimaginable level of paranoia and deep distrust, which I hope very few people may ever have to endure in their lives. [1]

These are not the demented ruminations of an oversensitive, and perhaps mentally unsound, person - they are the real and morbid fears of one who knows that surveillance is a nasty business. It is usually carried out by political and business elites, or by private individuals. Yet, since my growing list of incidents are so unbelievably pervasive, it clearly cannot be the work of a single individual, nor even a large organization. Such unusual corporate and security trends, combined with strategic threats to life, can only mean that major political agendas are afoot. But this is just my own not-so-humble view of things.

----------

[1] Most activists or alternative types will have moles in their midst, anyway. Yet, I actually have long-time acquaintances, who have been co-opted.