Fresh blood

What with all the glorious weather Toronto's been having, dwelling on my morbidly depressing concerns didn't seem right. I admit the sun's rays have been a lift to my own spirits, as well, but I'm also just tired of writing stuff, only to be endlessly disbelieved - so I've been sending email rants to people, instead.

I've also been spending my time looking for work. Yes, my gosh, that awful grind, which people are so certain I've been avoiding because I'm lazy and want an easy way out. The fact is, I've applied to literally hundreds of jobs over the years, but it's been a hard slog finding employment, even aside from my compromised emotional state, personal quirks, contentiousness, tardiness, etc. If you put together all the stuff I've been writing over the past six years, and seen how frantic or piqued I've been, or how emotionally involved I am in the issues I talk about, I think it should be obvious that I haven't exactly been coasting. Anyway, I recently did find a part-time job, but I'm not exactly celebrating. It will be interesting to see how things progress.

I could go into a whole spout about how I've been saying all along that there's an abundance of moles to be found in all types of transient work, and how I believe this trend began as a direct result of the government observing my and others' experiences at the hands of hospitality personnel agencies. I've said it before, it's like having a civilian army: most people could care less about ethical or legal concerns, personal integrity, or upholding civil rights - they just follow orders and get paid.

So, here's yet another of my dire warnings: Masses of people are being recruited and trained as convenient moles for the government. I guessed this might be the case back in 2002 (?). But now I'm getting a real sense of it. Far more people than you or I can possibly imagine are becoming willing accomplices to Big Brother's political and economic agendas.

(info to come)

People simply need or want extra money, and they're also eager to gain helpful connections. Yep, there's lots of mutual back-scratching going on: secret little spies are being planted in our midst faster than one can say, 'Smooth move.'

And who do you all have to thank for this miserable state of affairs? You got it: yours truly. (I know: more vague assertions. Please be patient.)


Getting Physical

I digress. Today, I actually wanted to share my concerns about a recent physical exam I had. I went through with it rather reluctantly. (My family doctor pointed out I was overdue and insisted I have one done.)

The thought of sending off my blood samples to a medical lab has me concerned, given everything I've been saying about biological and chemical attacks. [1] With fresh blood, they can analyze my DNA, blood count, nutritional levels, and so on - then, play with it. Technically speaking, it'd be easy for them to *create* an illness for me.

Here's a short list of reasons why I think medical labs aren't necessarily impartial, ethical, independent, or above government influence.

• Told my doctor how people in the mental health community could work as moles for the government. My doctor's typical response: nutcase. Yet, my suspicions about this stem from many different experiences - from moles posing as homeless people (fake booze odour sprayed on, probably from a theatrical supplies store) to odd encounters at a psychiatric rehabilitation centre (no, I'm not being facetious), certain anomalies at a mental health centre, and so on. [2]
  
  
• One psychiatric client I met, who's clearly brilliant in science (many 'mentally ill' folks are exceptionally intelligent), was suddenly offered a job and professional training as a lab technician, out of the blue. This happened not long after I began to suspect he'd been co-opted by the government, based on his weird remarks to me. I can assure you sudden job bonanzas hardly - if ever - happen in the mental health employment stream. How often have you been hand-picked from nowhere, and been given an ideal, paying, respectable job? It rarely happens, and I doubt if it's ever happened at this psychiatric centre before. This man's been a member for many years. This place is considered the end-of-the-line, last hope for mentally ill folks, who have nowhere else to turn. Who suddenly recognized this man's potential, and paved the way clear for him to be set-up in a job perfectly suited to his talents? Very strange. These types of unusual and sudden changes in fortune have been happening a lot in the past 2-1/2 years. I can point out how and why they're happening, and what the strategic relevance is - but I'll refrain. All I can say is, complex subterfuges don't only happen on TV.
  
  
• Even more disturbing is how I've recently learned of five deaths, within the past two months, that I was instantly suspicious about. Then, I found out that each one involved respiratory problems and difficulty breathing. (Kindly recall my concerns about this email spam, and the word 'aspirate,' as mentioned in 'Calling all psychos!'

I am keeping notes about the types of disabling or deathly illnesses I could get, and which parts of me are most likely to be afflicted, as well as what parties may want to see me meet an early end, and why.


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[1] I've had other warning signs that either my life or health could be at risk (details to come).

[2] I believe three of my ten therapists, and one whom I had met briefly for an assessment, have been co-opted by the government. Is this possible or likely? If you can appreciate the gravity of the situation, you may understand why my egocentric notions may actually be true.



PS - For those who actually know me, I'd like to clarify that I haven't had paid work since June 2004 (yes, it's true), and employment has been sporadic, at best. Contrary to some people's assumptions, I have not been secretly or steadily earning cash tips, as a waitress or bartender. In six years, I've only achieved a few months of self-sufficiency. Being so nervous around money, power, and sex issues, I have avoided jobs that involved the handling of money. That's why I became a banquet server. Before I fell into a major depression in 1997, my character and personal word were seldom doubted. The fact that I am now second-guessed and mistrusted equally by relatives, friends, acquaintances, and institutions I've been involved with, as well as by people reading this weblog, should be clear evidence that I've been emotionally unwell.