Me, the politician
Warning: This neurotic post may bore you to tears. For actual updates on surveillance and harassment, please visit again soon. Thanks.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Still sorting stuff out, so I’ll just babble about whatever's percolating right now...
A) Community Taskforce
I'm reneging on an email comment I made a couple of months ago: I've decided to apply as a volunteer for a community taskforce. Crass, blunt, and seemingly antagonistic loudmouths like myself, are probably the last thing they want on this committee. But what the hell - sometimes you need oddballs to keep things lively and happening.
These are the strengths I feel I can offer:
- I'm obnoxious, in my own special way...
- I strive for holistic solutions that I believe are fair and practicable;
- I usually fight for the underdog;
- I embody multiple perspectives and awarenesses by virtue of my identity and experiences;
- No worries about careerism, or my being a 'yes-person'; and finally,
- I lack the finesse of a true politician - this keeps me honest, though often embattled.
B) Family Ties
In wanting to volunteer on a city committee, I find myself recalling comments I've made about my family and the seeming harassment I believe that we - and many others - are all under. I even mentioned quoting from a relative's book in this post. Yet I'd merely sourced quotes by past prime ministers from this person's work, and included them in an email post - not an essay. Call this nepotism, if you want, but where any cause or issue is concerned, I seldom schmooze with, or endear myself to, anybody - not even my own family - hence, my 3-year isolation.
C) Money-Bags, Techno-Wiz, and Materialist
I'll soon be posting some ‘evidence’ of my harassment, with the help of new techno-devices (and $3000-plus growing debt). Yet, reluctant memories of how much 'goss' (as one Aussie friend calls it) a former school friend had once spread about me are coming back to haunt my thoughts.
Rather than presume to know what people think, I’ll just clarify my computer-owning history, for today (other topics soon to come). If you still suspect my surveillance may be due to high-tech crime, or something like that, there’s not much I can say or do to convince you otherwise.
[Flashback to 1999...]
Heading back to school as a 'mature student' (in physical age, if not in other ways), I knew essay-writing would be a nightmare for me, plus I'd previously worked in communications, and had done some desktop publishing, so investing in a computer made sense.
My then-neighbour Keith helped me get a new system for $1200 (?). Probably more than I should've spent, but I was clueless about where to buy a computer, how much they cost, etc. More to Keith's taste, as a techie and a gamer, he suggested I opt for a larger monitor, and he got me a slightly fancier keyboard (at that time). I've used this computer for five solid years, but replaced the hard drive last summer, due to problems.
(Don't know exactly what a hard drive is? I hear you. Grasping even the basics of this miraculous, yet befuddling invention called a 'computer' is a perpetual challenge.)
Anyway, back to this friend... She was a few years younger, and hadn't been out in the work world, yet. So, I think when she saw the computer, she thought I had money to burn. Never mind my used furniture, second-hand clothing, and so on.
Oh, and I had the occasional use of my father's 15-year old, gas-guzzling Oldsmobile. Never mind the fact that many folks commute by car, and I, personally, was having great difficulty being in public spaces. I also wasn't the only one in my faculty, who was reluctant to 'fess up about using a car. But, once again, 'the stickiness factor' kicked in: Asian = business/corporations, Asian = materialism, Asian = polluters, meat-eaters, and so on (see next post, to come).
As I had just come back from living in India for a year, plus I was struggling with school courses, among other things, I was quite a social wreck. Yet, even now, people don't believe how severely depressed and disoriented I was back then - not even my mother. However, this being my eighth year out of permanent work should give a clue as to how long the 'recovery process' has taken me.
Small Things Can Turn Into Big Things
So why harp about these petty details from the past?
Besides my notoriously outspoken ways, and my frustrations with racial pigeonholing, tidbits about my life - or rather, one person's subjective experience of me - became open season for gossip. I sense certain perceptions about me remain as strong as ever, and are probably being twisted all out of proportion, due to my hyper claims of government surveillance. (Like, maybe my folks are selling nuclear secrets, or something. Who knows?)
I don't *know* if people are making such conjectures - I just *feel* it. But rest assured, my coming updates on surveillance won't be nearly so groundless.
Why else might people have wild ideas about me?
Well, 1) I'm obviously guilty of TMI ('Too Much Information') in my emails and listserv posts; 2) I make extreme comments about myself and others - no subject is too sacred; and 3) I tend to come out fighting on topics I feel strongly about, and often create a fracas within groups. (Okay, okay, so I haven't been emotionally well. I wasn’t always like this. All I can say is B.P.D., folks. [1])
One listserv I joined was particularly activist-oriented. Yet, being pretty ‘outside the box’ at school, I was finding people’s assumptions and prejudices painfully limiting, and this tended to affect my email posts: I wanted ACTION!
I'll say it again: I had just come back from a year in India, and had also lived in Asia before that, plus I'd been on a New-Age high and crash-landed big time. So, I was completely out of sorts.
Also, being away from home, one tends to see things anew. Exiled Irish writer James Joyce and his Dublin-based novels (Dubliners, Finnegans Wake, etc) are a classic example of how distance makes for enhanced clarity.[2] As well, I found the school had a certain vortex-like intensity, which magnified social tensions. Honest. This is nobody's 'fault,' it's just the result of putting sensitive, intelligent people together in a political environment.
I've often expressed praise for this place of learning, in spite of any possible discontents I may have had. Sure, I've ranted, at times. Don't we all? But I've seldom gossiped, named names, or poisoned anybody's character or credibility. However, I have tried to counter inaccurate assumptions and judgements I felt others may be making about me: a pointless endeavour.
The sad thing is, I now believe this unique and important bastion of free thought and empowering action has been thoroughly co-opted by intelligence agencies. This seminal institution is suddenly enjoying a much-deserved upswing of bountiful projects, support, funding, cross-border connections, interviews, and media attention - yet I believe the mysterious backings for this divine windfall lie elsewhere.
By observing the social environment at this school, plus my email jousts and personal laments, security bodies lucked out. Knowing how to create social divides and cause shifts in allegiances - something I frequently and inadvertently instigate - is like discovering how to make fire. The potent mix of social judgements and resentments, combined with self-righteousness, can inspire widespread change, and even, move an entire nation. Just ask Adolph Hitler. Nazism didn't start off as a 'terror mentality' - it began with a surge of nationalistic pride, optimism, and buoyancy.
(Seen any of the new TTC ads lately? It's all about you.)
No one may believe me on all this. Yet, it does make sense. In one deft swoop, I believe conservative elites have learned how to parlay both competitive social drives and uneven group dynamics into real power. They’ve also figured out how to capitalize on environmentalism, while reinforcing social hierarchies and oppression, while still looking good in the process. How’s that for killing two birds with one stone? Or is that three?
If you think about it, 'environment' encompasses everything, from geography to biology, forces of nature, food, water, architecture, animals, energy sources...and so on.
PS - I don't speak much about 'natural environments,' as they do just fine without us. It's *our* relationship to nature and various environments that needs addressing.
--------
[1] Labels are limiting - especially in mental health – yet some descriptions of Borderline Personality help me make sense of the chaos.
[2] According to The James Joyce Centre's website, Joyce was also 'concerned with issues such as censorship and cultural identity.'
By the way, Happy St. Patrick's Day.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Still sorting stuff out, so I’ll just babble about whatever's percolating right now...
A) Community Taskforce
I'm reneging on an email comment I made a couple of months ago: I've decided to apply as a volunteer for a community taskforce. Crass, blunt, and seemingly antagonistic loudmouths like myself, are probably the last thing they want on this committee. But what the hell - sometimes you need oddballs to keep things lively and happening.
These are the strengths I feel I can offer:
- I'm obnoxious, in my own special way...
- I strive for holistic solutions that I believe are fair and practicable;
- I usually fight for the underdog;
- I embody multiple perspectives and awarenesses by virtue of my identity and experiences;
- No worries about careerism, or my being a 'yes-person'; and finally,
- I lack the finesse of a true politician - this keeps me honest, though often embattled.
B) Family Ties
In wanting to volunteer on a city committee, I find myself recalling comments I've made about my family and the seeming harassment I believe that we - and many others - are all under. I even mentioned quoting from a relative's book in this post. Yet I'd merely sourced quotes by past prime ministers from this person's work, and included them in an email post - not an essay. Call this nepotism, if you want, but where any cause or issue is concerned, I seldom schmooze with, or endear myself to, anybody - not even my own family - hence, my 3-year isolation.
C) Money-Bags, Techno-Wiz, and Materialist
I'll soon be posting some ‘evidence’ of my harassment, with the help of new techno-devices (and $3000-plus growing debt). Yet, reluctant memories of how much 'goss' (as one Aussie friend calls it) a former school friend had once spread about me are coming back to haunt my thoughts.
Rather than presume to know what people think, I’ll just clarify my computer-owning history, for today (other topics soon to come). If you still suspect my surveillance may be due to high-tech crime, or something like that, there’s not much I can say or do to convince you otherwise.
[Flashback to 1999...]
Heading back to school as a 'mature student' (in physical age, if not in other ways), I knew essay-writing would be a nightmare for me, plus I'd previously worked in communications, and had done some desktop publishing, so investing in a computer made sense.
My then-neighbour Keith helped me get a new system for $1200 (?). Probably more than I should've spent, but I was clueless about where to buy a computer, how much they cost, etc. More to Keith's taste, as a techie and a gamer, he suggested I opt for a larger monitor, and he got me a slightly fancier keyboard (at that time). I've used this computer for five solid years, but replaced the hard drive last summer, due to problems.
(Don't know exactly what a hard drive is? I hear you. Grasping even the basics of this miraculous, yet befuddling invention called a 'computer' is a perpetual challenge.)
Anyway, back to this friend... She was a few years younger, and hadn't been out in the work world, yet. So, I think when she saw the computer, she thought I had money to burn. Never mind my used furniture, second-hand clothing, and so on.
Oh, and I had the occasional use of my father's 15-year old, gas-guzzling Oldsmobile. Never mind the fact that many folks commute by car, and I, personally, was having great difficulty being in public spaces. I also wasn't the only one in my faculty, who was reluctant to 'fess up about using a car. But, once again, 'the stickiness factor' kicked in: Asian = business/corporations, Asian = materialism, Asian = polluters, meat-eaters, and so on (see next post, to come).
As I had just come back from living in India for a year, plus I was struggling with school courses, among other things, I was quite a social wreck. Yet, even now, people don't believe how severely depressed and disoriented I was back then - not even my mother. However, this being my eighth year out of permanent work should give a clue as to how long the 'recovery process' has taken me.
Small Things Can Turn Into Big Things
So why harp about these petty details from the past?
Besides my notoriously outspoken ways, and my frustrations with racial pigeonholing, tidbits about my life - or rather, one person's subjective experience of me - became open season for gossip. I sense certain perceptions about me remain as strong as ever, and are probably being twisted all out of proportion, due to my hyper claims of government surveillance. (Like, maybe my folks are selling nuclear secrets, or something. Who knows?)
I don't *know* if people are making such conjectures - I just *feel* it. But rest assured, my coming updates on surveillance won't be nearly so groundless.
Why else might people have wild ideas about me?
Well, 1) I'm obviously guilty of TMI ('Too Much Information') in my emails and listserv posts; 2) I make extreme comments about myself and others - no subject is too sacred; and 3) I tend to come out fighting on topics I feel strongly about, and often create a fracas within groups. (Okay, okay, so I haven't been emotionally well. I wasn’t always like this. All I can say is B.P.D., folks. [1])
One listserv I joined was particularly activist-oriented. Yet, being pretty ‘outside the box’ at school, I was finding people’s assumptions and prejudices painfully limiting, and this tended to affect my email posts: I wanted ACTION!
I'll say it again: I had just come back from a year in India, and had also lived in Asia before that, plus I'd been on a New-Age high and crash-landed big time. So, I was completely out of sorts.
Also, being away from home, one tends to see things anew. Exiled Irish writer James Joyce and his Dublin-based novels (Dubliners, Finnegans Wake, etc) are a classic example of how distance makes for enhanced clarity.[2] As well, I found the school had a certain vortex-like intensity, which magnified social tensions. Honest. This is nobody's 'fault,' it's just the result of putting sensitive, intelligent people together in a political environment.
I've often expressed praise for this place of learning, in spite of any possible discontents I may have had. Sure, I've ranted, at times. Don't we all? But I've seldom gossiped, named names, or poisoned anybody's character or credibility. However, I have tried to counter inaccurate assumptions and judgements I felt others may be making about me: a pointless endeavour.
The sad thing is, I now believe this unique and important bastion of free thought and empowering action has been thoroughly co-opted by intelligence agencies. This seminal institution is suddenly enjoying a much-deserved upswing of bountiful projects, support, funding, cross-border connections, interviews, and media attention - yet I believe the mysterious backings for this divine windfall lie elsewhere.
By observing the social environment at this school, plus my email jousts and personal laments, security bodies lucked out. Knowing how to create social divides and cause shifts in allegiances - something I frequently and inadvertently instigate - is like discovering how to make fire. The potent mix of social judgements and resentments, combined with self-righteousness, can inspire widespread change, and even, move an entire nation. Just ask Adolph Hitler. Nazism didn't start off as a 'terror mentality' - it began with a surge of nationalistic pride, optimism, and buoyancy.
(Seen any of the new TTC ads lately? It's all about you.)
No one may believe me on all this. Yet, it does make sense. In one deft swoop, I believe conservative elites have learned how to parlay both competitive social drives and uneven group dynamics into real power. They’ve also figured out how to capitalize on environmentalism, while reinforcing social hierarchies and oppression, while still looking good in the process. How’s that for killing two birds with one stone? Or is that three?
If you think about it, 'environment' encompasses everything, from geography to biology, forces of nature, food, water, architecture, animals, energy sources...and so on.
PS - I don't speak much about 'natural environments,' as they do just fine without us. It's *our* relationship to nature and various environments that needs addressing.
--------
[1] Labels are limiting - especially in mental health – yet some descriptions of Borderline Personality help me make sense of the chaos.
[2] According to The James Joyce Centre's website, Joyce was also 'concerned with issues such as censorship and cultural identity.'
By the way, Happy St. Patrick's Day.
posted by outside the box... at
5:22 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home