Unwrapping the box

Surveillance is complicated. My obsession with details may seem trivial or narcissistic, but these flights of self-absorption are necessary for pointing out the bigger picture.


Don't Box Me In

Unless you know who or how I am as a person, this crazy situation won't make sense. So let's get a few things straight.


1) Freedom is important to me.

I can't sum up nearly five years of therapy, and tell you why I've been so erratic, crazy, confused, and neurotic - I just have. When I began to realize how pervasive my surveillance is, no one would believe me, and I had little emotional support or credibility. I became frantic, like Harrison Ford in The Fugitive. While no crime had been committed, I desperately wanted to preserve both my freedom and my privacy. My efforts have been typically headstrong and foolish - yet, I now know it's been a futile endeavour.

(Did you know The Fugitive is loosely based on a true story?)


2) I'm not a computer geek. Addict, sometimes; techno-head, not.

I've learned quite a bit about the internet over the past three years, but I'm NOT technically oriented. I'm trying to convey conceptually what's going on, and also share any helpful learning, because this is important shit.


3) Being contradictory is how I am.

I have disparate interests and can be very extreme. Add a good dose of emotional turmoil, and you may see why I believe my surveillers have learned lots merely by observing my behaviour and other people's reactions to me.


4) I don't claim to be a good writer.

I'm long-winded and pedantic, and can barely recall learning any grammar at school. I've also got personal challenges, like stress, ADD, past head injury, ongoing threats, and so on. Being coherent is hard enough. Please don't expect me to be concise and entertaining, as well.


More about cyber stuff:

My weird email problems have been ongoing for several years. Someone recommended I use ZoneAlarm's free firewall. That's how I was able to record some signs that my computer was being 'hacked.' ZoneAlarm is considered one of the best firewalls around, yet whoever's been hacking me was able to get past it easily. (Good definition of firewall.)

I disconnected my internet service for two years, mostly due to hacking, but unemployment was also a factor. Just signed up again in May of this year. (I'd been easing off medication, and started getting more actively involved in community things.) I still use cybercafes on occasion for various reasons (eg, computer down, privacy concerns, etc).


More new household adventures to share. Stay tuned.