Counting past two

Came across a transgender film festival site, called, Counting Past 2. Personally, I like that whole concept of gender fluidity and there being a spectrum of identities.

Maybe that's partly why I edit this blog so compulsively, yet never feel satisfied. I'm twisting myself into knots trying to resist others' preconceived notions of who I am, or who others may be. Yet I myself toss out social stereotypes and commentary in a fairly judgemental way, in my rush to convey the difficulties of my situation. Sometimes, I feel I'm treading into murky areas - like Jungian 'collective unconscious' type stuff.

Being an anti-social wallflower for several years now, I do try to adapt my language and sensibilities to those who may be reading this. I assume that you probably have a more active social life than I do.

My words may also reveal subconscious desires, rather than actual lived realities. Like, I probably sound like quite the shopper, TV watcher, and computer techie. Yet I loathe shopping and dread malls; I don't have a TV set (though when I do see the tube, I get a lot of information from it); and as for being a techie...I...haha.....hahaa! (failed four math courses in high school, does that count?).

I sometimes feel sickened by the materialism and misinformation being spread about in shopping malls and on TV. Yet, part of me probably wants to acquire things, and to feel pampered, etc. Economics and personal care are both a type of energy flow. And heck, most people my age own their first homes and have cars by now. These aren't exactly my aspirations, but sometimes I find therapy, financial hardship, and the whole activism thing a bit wearying, and kindred spirits are few and far between. As angela bischoff rightly says, balance the work with the music.

My mother and I do see a movie every other month or so. For $4.25 each, we get to bond without fighting too much.

Other thoughts...

I sometimes feel like I'm trying to communicate with two different audiences: environmentalists and everybody else. It's not easy. *smile*

Not to imply I'm an environmentalist by any stretch. I just wish well for the planet and its inhabitants. We all know there are better ways of doing things - it's just a matter of making these a priority, and making it practicable for the mass population to have and make better choices.

Anyway, I hope you'll stick around for this bizarre journey towards walking my talk. Maybe we can even co-create spaces (on and offline) for holistic awareness, mutual respect, and constructive action.