Keeping 'Tabs'

Sent: Monday, November 10, 2003 4:47 PM
Subject: Re: surveillance and harrassment

hi barbara (and others),

My uncle passed away yesterday. They disconnected his life support just before my mother and her sisters got there. His lifeless body was still warm when they arrived. This is somewhat unusual, I believe, as family normally spends the last *living* moments with the patient. But what do i know?

As for the surveillance, it's not clumsiness: it's a catch-22. They have pushed me intensively to the limits for more than 2 years, not only to see what they could learn, but also perhaps hoping to drive me crazy in the process and make me less credible. But as things got more involved, there were too many 'incidents' for them to hide their tracks about.

I have done NOTHING WRONG. I want a regular productive decent life, while still being myself. Yes, I do need to question things, that's called being intelligent. It's what universities teach: critical thinking.

Also, I would be far less politically-involved, if they had just left me alone. But instead, I am being terrorized. I have tried desperately to find someone who will believe me. It's like being a rat in an electric shock cage, but no one else can see what's going on. It's non-stop harrassment, and any concessions they've ever made was merely a ploy (eg, I was called in for a job interview with one of Canada's most exclusive members' clubs on September 11th -- 9/11 -- where I did a short stint as a Bartender). If they could eliminate me with no repercussions, they would gladly do so. They've clearly learned a lot from Hitler's era.

I will say unequivocally that I believe it is my various thoughts, ideas, interactions, and writings about socio-environmental change, as relates to race, class, orientation, Canadian identity, and Canada-US relations, which have indirectly led to some recent turn of events, including, dare I say, the SARS 'epidemic'.** The media hype and timing of this health concern just days before the launch of war on Iraq is a bit much, if you ask me. And how about the superfluous last minute show of allegiance by Japanese and Filipino troops in Iraq?? These seem like political gestures, rather than military necessity.

How better to pit different racial groups against one another?

How is all this relevant? Well, I believe they've learned a lot from me about racial divisiveness because I have tended to piss people off (BIG TIME) by being too conscious about race. (This stems from emotional pain. Being born in Canada, and growing up believing I am Canadian, plus having relatives who are several generations Canadian, it has been hard to deal with the profound judgements and negative prejudices I seem to get from people constantly.) Plus my creativity in resisting their efforts to control and harrass me has proved useful learning for my surveillers, as they have watched person after person turn away from me.

I'm not 'special' -- I'm simply an affordable educational lesson for the 'powers that be'. My interests in transformative learning, co-operative action, organizational learning and change, social activism, spirituality, environmentalism, socialism, etc, are an interesting mix. I also happen to have a lot of outspoken views on identity, race, gender, orientation, socio-environmental innovation, and so on.

What they want is: DIVIDE AND CONQUER.

This may sound like delusions of grandeur, but the close correspondence between what I have REPEATEDLY SAID OR WRITTEN and what is going on is a bit much. I can cite many specific examples in my own neighbourhood of political and commercial strategies that closely mirror things I've actually said, done, or experienced. [More specific details to come...]

... Getting back to my uncle. I wrote an email yesterday after my uncle's death saying: all I want is for the constant surveillance and harrassment to stop. I'm not a 'vengeful type'. Yet this is precisely how they continue to handle my surveillance: like I'm a dangerous criminal.

Today, a Deacon called my mom today to say he would be conducting the funeral services for my uncle. It is strange that he would call my mother. My mother has more than one sister and it is another aunt who has been far more involved in my uncle's care.

I've been staying over at my mom's, and can overhear her side of the conversation. The Deacon is telling my mother his name is "Tab" Charbonneau. He even emphasized his first name, spelling just this part for my mother - 'T-A-B'. One would think the emphasis would be on the getting the last name right - especially with official personages of this sort - but no, my mother only repeated his surname once - no spelling, nothing. So when my mom called her siblings, she told them Deacon 'Tab' would be presiding over the funeral service.

I checked the dictionary: TAB is a British military term for 'keeping check on' things.

Reading subtle and potentially threatening innuendos into this would be ludicrous - if I hadn't already had so many weird experiences. I've had strange people following me at night, people trying to befriend me at activist events and in other situations, computer files have been destroyed, internet hacking, a harassing landlord and neighbour(s), endless crank and wrong number calls (over 2 years), and of the few people I came across whom I would try to tell about the surveillance, several came to unexpected harm. (Before you dismiss these as trivial or coincidental, you need to read more about these incidents...)

In short, things have been HELL for the past few years.

lana

PS - I believe everyday people are being presented detailed information about me, in order to gain their co-operation and complicitness in my surveillance. There is no other way to explain how various people - complete strangers - can make such knowing comments about me.